As an American guy married to a Japanese woman, I get a lot of questions from western guys about what it’s like to be with a Japanese girls. It’s a very good question actually, and I’ve got a lot to say on this subject. Grab a notepad and a pencil, because I’m about to teach you how to date a Japanese girl (the right way). Spoiler alert: it’s a little different then dating women from other places.
The short answer to this question is that dating a Japanese girl requires patience and empathy. If you have neither of these traits, you are likely not going to do very well.
Japanese culture focuses around honor and respect for others, which makes it pretty much the opposite of western culture. This was something I didn’t know when I started dating Japanese women back when I was still single, and it led to a few very embarrassing and awkward situations.
How to date a Japanese girl (in five easy steps)
Remember: dating in Japan is not like anything a western man has typically experienced before. Don’t let that scare you though. As long as you know what to expect (and how to act), you’ll do fine. It’s widely known that many Japanese women are attracted to western men, so it’s not like it’s going to be an all uphill battle or anything.
Step 1: You have to look in the right places
By far the easiest way to meet a Japanese girl (if you’re not in Japan) is online. eHarmony is one of the best places to do this (because of how popular and diverse it is), and you shouldn’t have any difficulty meeting girls right away as long as you aren’t a total misfit or something.
Note that many Japanese girls do speak English (it’s required in Japanese schools), so the language barrier won’t be as difficult as you think. Do your best to speak to her in Japanese if you can though – it will greatly improve your chances of meeting someone great.
If you want more information, be sure to read my in-depth guide to meeting Asian women online. And once you find someone you like, read up on how to tell if a Japanese woman likes you or not. It’s going to save you a lot of time.
Step 2: Treat her with honor and respect
One of the most important things that I’ve learned about Japanese culture from my wife is that women in Japan are often treated as second-class citizens (even in this modern day and age). It’s getting better than it used to be of course, but she’s told me some chilling stories about male chauvinism in the workplace that would be completely out of line here in the United States.
Basically what I’m trying to say is that women in Japan feel frustrated most of the time. They are used to being seen as objects and possessions by their husbands, and (as a matter fact) that’s why some Japanese women seek western men. Some Japanese women like black guys (and date them exclusively). They are attracted to the fantasy of being with a true gentleman – just like what they see on TV and in movies. It’s really difficult for them to get that from Japanese men.
Showing a Japanese woman honor and respect will be a major turn on for her. It’s that hope of being treated like a queen is why she will be likely to start talking to you in the first place.